I started playing fantasy football when I was 16 years old. I got into it when a few friends asked me to join a league they were starting. Before that season, I had never heard of fantasy football. Keep in mind that this was back in the mid 1990's, long before the game had gained a level of popularity that bridges all age, gender, and racial gaps. There weren't 10 different fantasy football magazines to choose from in every grocery store, drug store, and book store in America like there is today. Before my very first draft, nobody told me anything about strategy. All I had to go by was a list of last years players, and the fantasy points they scored. So, looking over that list, one thing jumped out at me immediately. Morton Anderson scored the most fantasy points out of any other player in the NFL the previous season. (It is actually painful to write this story down. It is vividly bringing back the humiliation I am about to share with you)
I don't remember exactly what position I was drafting, but i think it may have been 3rd. I remember the joy and shock when the first two picks went by, and Morton Anderson(along with every other kicker) remained on the board. I distinctly remember a feeling of smug satisfaction washing over me, as I internally gloated about being the smartest person in the room. "How could these morons be taking running backs, when the kickers score so many more points?" I thought as i laughed to myself. Of course it never occurred to me how interchangeable kickers are, as opposed to the unique value that comes with a top five running back or wide receiver. So, when it is finally my turn to draft I proudly announce, "I take Morton Anderson!" As soon as I spoke, there was maybe a second or two of total silence while the words permeated the room. Then, all at once, as if someone flipped a switch on a laugh track machine, the room erupted. I immediately realized that I had just made a complete ass of myself.
As the laughter began to subside, the guy running the draft asked, "Are you serious?"
I responded, "Of course not, I'll take..."
Now here is the key. If you are going to pull off the "I was just joking when I said I wanted Morton Anderson" ploy, then you have to be ready with a legitimate name to replace him with. I have to admit, I don't remember exactly who I said, but I do remember that it got quite a few laughs as well. I am pretty sure it was someone who would have been around in the 5th round or so. Basically, I threw out the first NFL players name that popped into my head, and it wasn't great. At least I didn't say, "Bill Cowher."
Another great way to embarrass yourself during a fantasy football season, is to completely over think a simple decision. During the 2001 Season, my starting running backs were Marshall Faulk, and Stephen Davis. Marshall Faulk was a beast that year. He ended the season with 2,147 all purpose yards, and 21 touchdowns. Stephen Davis ate up the yards, but he had problems finding the end zone. He finished with 1,637 all purpose yards, and only 5 touchdowns. Going into week 15, the first round of the 2001 fantasy playoffs, I had what should have been an easy start at running back. I was however concerned about Stephen Davis. He was more than capable of putting up big numbers, but a mediocre performance was also not out of the question. Going into week 15 he was held under 80 yards five times, and on two of those occasions he was held under 40 yards. Considering that almost the entire season had already played out, there weren't any legitimate #1 running backs available on the waiver wire. However, there was one little golden nugget sitting out there that I couldn't resist. Can anyone tell me who Trung Canidate is? Trung Canidate was Marshall Faulk's main backup in St. Louis at the time. If you remember, this was back in the days of "The Greatest Show On Turf." The St. Louis Rams were putting up huge offensive numbers almost every week, and a lot of times, Faulk was being sat at halftime to protect him from injury because the game was already a blowout.
In week 15 the St. Louis Rams were up against the pathetic Carolina Panthers. The 2001 Carolina Panthers finished a with a woeful 1-15 record. That fact alone would not lead me to do something as insanely stupid as benching Stephen Davis in place of Trung Canidate. Here is what would lead me to do something that stupid. In week 9 of the 2001 NFL season, the St. Louis Rams beat the Carolina Panthers 48-14. Marshall Faulk had 197 all purpose yards and 2 touchdowns. Now for the "work", Trung Canidate had an astounding 146 all purpose yards and 1 touchdown. So coming into Week 15, the Rams are 11-2 and basically have the division on lock down. It's only reasonable to assume that Faulk will put up huge first half numbers, and Trung Canidate will get the bulk of the workload in a game that can pretty much be added to the win column before it even starts. Well, I was half right. Marshall Faulk's final line was a mind blowing 252 all purpose yards and 2 touchdowns. Unfortunately the game ended up closer than anyone expected. Trung Canidates final numbers were zero all purpose yards on zero attempts, with zero touchdowns. What made this even more embarrassing was that Stephen Davis put up 66 all purpose yards and a touchdown. In case you are wondering, I ended up losing my first round playoff game that day by 3 points. So, making that bold coaching move single handedly ended my fantasy season that year. And 10 years later, I still remember it vividly.
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